To Anyone, From Everybody
by DraconicSecrets115
Summary: A series of letters from Dragon Age: Inquisition. They are written to anyone and are from everybody. Let the creativity begin as humorous, embarrasing, and interesting letters are circulated throughout Thedas, and find out the thoughts of those who see them. With regards from the characters from Dragon Age. (Contains spoilers!)
1. Dear Inquisitor Trevelyan!

An idea I came up with. Part of it was to try and break my Writer's Block.

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** Basically, this is going to be a series of letters to any Dragon Age: Inquisition character from any of the other Dragon Age Inquisition: characters. I'm willing to take requests on this. These letters, whether they are from good guys or bad guys, will aim to build on the story and be humorous, feeling, and hopefully entertaining. Different Inquisitors, decisions and relationships are accepted. Do enjoy! :)**

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Dear Inquisitor Trevelyan.

May I be so bold as to suggest making an appearance for your fans in the courtyard? I know you're impressively busy, but I have headaches trying to keep them from climbing the walls! Nobles and peasants alike. Not to mention that every time someone _actually_ sees you, you're dashing/jumping past them at full speed! Or sitting in your throne, poking your hands through your fingers... Or was it the other way around? And when you actually talk to someone, you tend to hover in the air with your arms suspended awkwardly to the sides. I can't go on. Anyways, your help would be appreciated on the matter.

From a concerned general,

Cullen

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. _Notes from Leliana. -_

. _How does the Inquisitor do that, anyway? Tell Josephine to arrange a party or something._

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**Ideas anyone? :D Anything goes!**


	2. To a Mr Elder One

**_Here's another idea I got!_**

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Dear Elder One,

Your offer to become our god has been refused by the Committee of Awesome People. We understand that you have an interesting history and that you walked the fade and challenged the Maker and yaddy-yadda. Unfortunately, reviews of those who have accepted you as their own god have not been so convincing.

Your average rating is a 2.3/10.

The Red Templars claim that they are,' now seeing red. Unable write sentences. Had buy clothes new.'

The Venatori say that they have had to, 'replace organized libraries, build pointy alters and speak a bunch of words no one knows what they mean. 1/10' Another went on to say, 'Also, he took my cat in a blood ritual or something. He was a good cat! 0/10!'

The Grey Wardens said, 'I didn't even know he was our god at first! And when we did, he killed our commander, enslaved our mages(well, they already were, but that's not the point) and killed more of us! Devious duplicity! The only good thing is that we got to join the Inquisition afterwards. Though we could have done that anyway. I say 0.5/10.'

Your only good review came from a Mr. Sampson who stated, 'he gave me a way to die AMAZINGLY. He also let me feed my ADDICTION! Definite 15/10. You won't find a better god anywhere.'

We don't think Sampson is mentally stable. Perhaps not even medically.

So with these bad reviews, we have little doubt that you're a disgrace and a mu- What? Oh yes, include that too. Say this: The bottom line is, Mr. Elder One, you're a miserable failure. You should go back to sleep.

Sincerely,

The Committee of Awesome People.

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. _Notes from Corypheus_

_. Who wrote this! I will have Nightmare plague their dreams and they will cry when I ascend! Bring me the Venatori and the Red Templars who wrote those reviews immediately!_

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**_This is too much fun!_**


	3. Dear Josephine

Dear Josephine,

I consider the Inquisition highly organized and powerful. Exceptional and worthy of praise. I also consider its people and agents smart and competent. All of this... So why in the name of the Maker are there _underwear that are not mine_ mixed into my laundry? I face people who want to kill me every day, I have to save the world from a rift spawning demons, and I have to deal with nobles from Orlais... Do you understand the annoyance and stress? And if I have to find under garments that are not my own in my personal effects... well it deals a blow to my confidence in the Inquisition. We need to increase our standards! And everyone must do their part!

I got you, didn't I?

Alas, I can imagine the horrified look on your face.

However, do not fret. I am not angry and in fact was slightly amused by this odd occurrence.

But please do try and return them to their rightful owner before Varric finds out. If you have to, offer a reward. Be discreet. This is honestly ludicrous and frankly, embarrassing. While you're at it, thank someone for making me laugh and feel mortified at the same time.

Yours sincerely,

The Inquisitor.

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. _Notes from Josephine -_

_Oh dear! How did this happen. Discretion is wise on the matter. I will speak with the maids in charge of the laundry to resolve the issue._

_. Notes from Varric -_

_Don't fret, your Inquisitorialness... This will definitely make the rounds and be the talk of the place for months! Seriously though, I want to know who your personal stalker is. You've given me an idea for a book. It's going to be called, The Mysterious Underpants in the Laundry!_

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	4. To A Once-Nude Commander

**Warning** \- this letter has cussing and references to nudity and sexuality! Nothing graphic/descriptive, just references!

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Dear Commander Cullen,

I was out getting some fresh air after a long day of prayer the other night when I spotted your naked ass rushing through the courtyard back to the barracks. Thank the Maker it was dark enough I don't have to burn my eyes out of my head! Why the hell were you naked, Commander? Do you have no shame? I understand that things are not always easy, but I expected better from you than a stripper! Or were you drunk? In that case, you have my sympathies... however, do not make a mockery of all you stand for again! I will be very disappointed if I find out you were rolling one of the barmaids!

Keep that stuff private at the very least!

I can just imagine the Maker's disappointment in you! Good grief! No one wants to see that. Please keep you damned pants on next time!

From,

A Pissed-Off Chantry Mother.

**P.S.** My friend - a Chantry sister no less - who was with me at the time, was turned on by your raunchy display. I'm ashamed of her and she is now reading the Chant of Light over and over to me repeatedly. Perhaps she'll find forgiveness from the Maker in that.

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._ Notes from the Inquisitor -_  
_Oh, this is priceless. Cullen refused to speak of this with me... I let him off the hook on the condition that he quit bothering me to _walk_ around Skyhold instead of running. Walking? That's ridiculous!_

_. Notes from Varric_ -  
_There goes any chance of getting Curly to play again..._

_. Notes from Leliana -  
I have never seen Cullen so red in his life. He tried to wad it up and throw it away, but I had an agent sneak it out of the trash. Indeed, this could be the most valuable blackmail we have. _

_. Notes from Cole -  
It comes off, people get scared and angry. He should keep it on. No fear, no pain. _

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"Who let Cole read this!? Varric!?" A voice shouted.


	5. Dear Leliana - About the Bird Crap

Dear Leliana.

Will you please keep the amount of bird crap to a minimum in my work area? I pace back in forth a lot, sometimes for no particular reason. Sometimes I'll be gently musing on the Fade and a splatter of white and black poop lands nearby. Very distracting. Especially when it lands right on my shiny head.

I have no hair to protect me from such projectiles and I feel Josephine is annoyed with the amount of refills I've had to request for my wash basin to clean my skin of that filth. Any chance you can move the ravens and courier birds to a more _outdoor_ location? Oh! More crap! I hope I can save that book! It's precious.

Sincerely,  
Solas

P.S. What are you feeding them?

P.P.S. Maybe we should get a janitor in here.

P.P.P.S. Some crap just got in my tea.

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. _Notes from Leliana -_  
_This is definitely not what I was expecting when I saw it was from Solas. He has my sympathy. Maybe I can have a better place for the birds picked out. Oh, I feed the birds a healthy diet of seeds and nug meat(Depending on their diet requirements)._

_. Notes from the Inquisitor -_  
_I told him to not set up right there! Oh well, I suppose a janitor could be hired. Josephine should be able to take care of that, since it involves monetary things._

_.Notes from Josephine -_  
_Ugh, he wasn't kidding about the refills-ahem, I mean, it was no problem whatsoever. I will hire a janitor immediately._

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**A/N Did anyone else notice that Solas was set up right beneath Leliana's birds?**


	6. Dear Blackwall - The Barn Resident

A/N - Sorry for the delay XD Anyways, here's one to Blackwall as requested! If you wanted a letter from him, I can do that too later!

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Dear Blackwall,

Are you completely certain that you must linger in the barn all the time? I've received complaints expressing worries of what will happen in there - not sure why though. Those who do not understand Grey Wardens believe you may be performing rituals. Others think the barn will burn down any day for some reason(Can't figure out why). Then there are the, um, pairs who would like to use the barn for...not so suitable purposes. Perhaps it's good you are there.

Feel free to use your sword on the next couple to try and enter after sundown. _Get 'em in the butt Blackwall! __*Sketch of a butt - drawn by Sera while no one was looking - is beside the sentence* _

Oh, while I'm writing this, Josephine has requested a carving of a dragon for her sister. I understand if you're too busy, even if you do just mill around in that barn all day.

Thanks,  
The Inquisitor.

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_.Notes from Blackwall__ -_  
_That's rather harsh, Inquisitor, about the sword. You might keep closer tabs on your letters...because of Sera. However, I can safely say that no surreptitious activities have taken place since I moved in here. At least not by anyone else. And a dragon carving? I can do that. But only if I get to stay in the barn._

_.Notes from Iron Bull -_  
_Damn, looks like I'm going to have to be more careful._


	7. Dear Inquisitor - On the Giant Nugs

_A/N Here's the request on the nugs, hope you enjoy! XD_

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Dear Inquisitor.

What the heck is that thing in the barn? It was very disturbing to me and my friend, who is racist. It looked like a cross between an ape, a rhino, and a deer. My friend, who doesn't like elves, said that it was caused by a nug-humping elf bastard who had problems, and made that. Made that? Literally? Is that even possible? Is there a particular reason for this giant nug to be here? How did you capture it? So many questions. Maybe you should write a book or give a speech. Something! I MUST KNOW!

Oh, they are bringing yet another one in. I must go see it!

It is a nug, right?

From,  
The random person in Skyhold

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_. __Notes from the Inquisitor__ -_  
_Well, this is interesting. I'm sure the giant nug had nothing to do with a nug-humping elf bastard. Also, I do not have time to address anyone particular on this matter._

_. __Notes__ from Sera_ _-_  
_Couldn't stop laughing at that thing! Got me new material!_

. Notes from Varric -  
_Nugs. Such a controversial topic. And a BIG one._


	8. From a Now-Very-Angry Elder One!

**_A/N _**_This is in response to a request for a letter from Corypheus! Thanks for the suggestion! _

_Sorry for the big wait, but I kind of got out of Dragon Age there for awhile. I am hoping to post more soon. Hopefully this gives you a laugh!_

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Dear Inquisitor,

Perhaps you think you've won! Perhaps you believe you are safe now. Just like the last ten times I...well, didn't quite succeed in defeating you. That's not the point!

Anyways, think again! Just because you managed to take The Well of Sorrows from me does not mean you have saved your pathetic life! Yes, I was told my face gave everything away when I saw that the Well was lost to me. That look upon my face? That wasn't anger, no. Nor was it bewilderment or fear! I fear nothing - least of all, you! That was simply the look of indignation that you would dare to stand in the way of a true god! I will see you cast down with you false 'Maker'! There is no hope for you or any of your people now that you have defied me once more!

Nothing will protect you from my wrath when I find you! I will... Well, I will simply allow you use your imagination on what I shall do, for I cannot be bothered to think of something at this moment(I'm incredibly busy trying to figure out if I have any men left to fight you with...haven't been able to find any, yet, but I know they're there somewhere - probably hiding in the woods, the cowards). The day of reckoning approaches, and no floating, naked person or other random obstacle will save you next time! The sky shall rain death for your _Inquisition!_

From,  
The Now-Very-Angry Elder One(who is going to kill you painfully)

P.S. Don't forget to tremble in fear when you hear my name!

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_.Notes from the Inquisitor -  
Ugh, is he ranting again? This is the _sixth_ letter he's sent us since I escaped him in Haven. He is so annoying! I had no idea he was so intent on sending us this pointless mail! ...and no, Corypheus definitely looked angry and bewildered and scared when he failed to take the Well, so don't let anyone believe a single word of this letter(Except the part where he can't find his men - we killed them all).  
__By the way, was that last part supposed to be scary? Corypheus is a failure in every way...why does he use so many exclamation points? I mean, is he yelling in his letter or just trying to be dramatic?_

_.Notes from Sera -_  
_Bwhahahaha, what is this crap? Can't stop laughing! Sorry, Inquisitor...actually, I'm not. Hahahaha, stupid Coryphetus!_

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_A/N - So, the naked person thing was a reference to the mysterious lady who rises from The Well of Sorrows in the following cut-scene after you decide who takes it. Also, I have not played the last two DLCs that were released(The Descent, and Trespasser), so I won't be able to write about those...yet. Thanks for reading!_


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